family

Being a mum.. 

What does being a mum mean? 

  • It means no longer putting yourself first. You are last in the list of priorities now. There is a little person who is relying on you for everything, so what if you don’t get your hair washed for the third day in a row!  So what if you resemble a Halloween costume instead of your usual pristine self! Your little human looks and feels good, and that’s what matters now! 
  • It means it being socially acceptable to discuss bowel movements and bodily fluids over a meal! Working in a nursing environment, this became the norm for me quite some time ago, but for mums that haven’t discussed poo over lunch before, this can be a shock to the stomach! When I come home from work and ask my husband what him and Adam got up to today, I like to hear about the fun stuff, but I also want to know: did he eat well? And did he poo? (please tell me it’s not just me?!) 

I’m not sure why I like to keep tabs on Adam’s bodily functions, I think it just reassures me that he’s going regularly and not uncomfortable. 🙈 

  • Being a mum means that you let a little piece of your heart walk around outside of your body for the rest of your life. Adam has completely stolen my heart, and well and truly ran away with it! Not a day goes by when I don’t thank my lucky stars that we have him in our lives. 
  • It’s knowing that somebody loves you as much as you love them… Unconditionally. Adam currently thinks it’s hilarious to say no and shake his head when I ask him if he loves me. However, I know he loves me. I don’t need him to tell me so! The way he looks at me melts my heart, you can’t deny the love then. The way he reaches out for my hand for reassurance if he’s unsure of something, the way only mama’s cuddles will do when he’s upset and the way he shouts out for me if he has fallen or needs something. Those things show me he loves me. So, Adam, you keep playing your game, I know you love me 😉 

    • Being a mum means being totally overwhelmed almost every day. I was never an emotional person before I had Adam, but now I cry almost daily. Happy tears usually,but there are moments when it all gets too much. I fill up with pride when he says a new word, or learns something new. In the early days I cried from lack of sleep. I’m not going to dwell on this point as I’ve had about 4 weeks worth of sleepless nights in the past (almost) 2 years, and many are still enduring them daily. We’ve been very lucky with regards to sleep, I don’t think it’s something we’ve taught him as such, I reckon we just hit lucky! If we have another baby, we’ll probably get a bad sleeper! In those early days, lack of sleep was awful! To go from a full night’s sleep, every night, to one or two unbroken hours was extremely hard, but being a mum means that you get up and get on with it. Fuelled by copious amounts of coffee, of course! 
    • Being a mum means constantly feeling guilty about something. Some days I feel guilty about not breastfeeding for long enough, other days it’s because I didn’t cook him a completely healthy, organic dinner! Guilty for going to work and leaving him in the care of my family, guilty for going part time as that means less money coming in to the house. Guilty for not having time on my days off to just turn off and spend them totally with him. Guilty for not taking him enough places and guilty for not making mum friends, which means very few baby friends for Adam! 

    I’m only 20 months in to this motherhood journey, there’s many more experienced women than me, but I’m guessing that the guilt will never go away, that what I feel guilty for will just change as he gets older. 

    Being a mum has changed me. I didn’t know I needed to change, but he’s taught me how to be a better version of myself and for that I will be forever grateful! 

    Emma xx

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