Those little words that I longed to hear.
Since I was a little girl, I always knew I wanted to have children. Never did I think that the road to becoming a mother would be difficult. I just assumed that women had babies when they were older.
Even at a young age, attending an after schools club in a day nursery, I was allowed to go to the baby and toddler rooms and ‘help out’ with the children. I think it was then that I decided, yep, that’s it. I’m going to be a mummy when I’m older.
So fast forward several years, I met the man of my dreams, got married and we quickly decided to start trying for a family. Luckily, he wanted to be a parent as much as I did!
A year had passed, and still nothing had happened. We were hurt, confused and a little worried, but we didn’t want to give up on our dream of becoming parents.
Another 6 months passed and with each negative test, each month of heartbreak, we were becoming increasingly worried. We decided to go to the doctor and find out where we were going wrong. Several weeks of tests followed, we were told that we were both the problem!
At that time, we thought, well that’s it. It just isn’t going to happen for us! We were put on the waiting list for IVF and I was told I’d be starting a fertility drug called Clomid in a few months time if we hadn’t been called for IVF treatment by then.
Those months we spent waiting for a letter to start treatment were painful. To tell the truth, we just gave up. We couldn’t cope with the disappointment each month and were slowly coming to terms that it was always just going to be the two of us (and our two dogs!)
The letter finally arrived in mid November, and informed us that treatment was due to begin on Friday 4th December 2014. We were ecstatic, nervous, happy, excited and every other emotion under the sun when we received it.
On Monday 1st December, I had been feeling a bit odd. I’d been sick that morning, and just didn’t feel ‘normal’. We joked that I could be pregnant, not a joke we usually made with each other, but due to the fact we were starting treatment in 4 days, it felt ok to joke.
Then this happened! I think we were in shock at first, then fear hit in! All the what ifs going round in our heads. We couldn’t understand it. I was told I didn’t ovulate, so how could this be possible?!
But it was, a quick visit to the doctor the next day confirmed it. Our dreams were coming true and our little miracle baby didn’t want to keep us waiting for him. Making the phonecall to the fertility clinic was one of the best feelings I’ve ever had. Hearing the total stranger on the other end of the phone’s genuine excitement and happiness for us, as I told her I was pregnant and would no longer require our appointment in just 3 days time was great!
Now that Adam is very nearly 2, hearing “Mummy, Mummy” still takes my breath away sometimes. Not at silly o’clock in the morning, or the days he repeats it constantly, but the times when he follows it up with, “love youuuu”, or when he calls out to me when he needs something. They are truly special words and I don’t think he’ll ever understand how much a simple word means so much to me!
Being a mummy is exactly what I dreamed it would be, and so much more. Of course there are hard days too, but anything worth having isn’t going to be easy!
I hope if anyone going through fertility treatment, or struggling to conceive, reads this, they get a little bit of comfort from it.
Miracles do happen: Never give up on your dreams!